In the background

i was writing this over at the wedding blog. but then i realized it really didn't have any place there. so i'm bringing it over here.

i wanted to post the sketch of my wedding dress today, but i didn't feel like it. and i felt bad that something could happen that would rob the joy of sharing my wedding dress -- my beautiful, beautiful dress -- with all of you.

see, marlon and i are sad about something. it's there in the background, and we can't simply wish it away.

i remember a conversation we had with gerwin late last year, right after his wedding to charlie. he said something like, expect that everything that can happen, will happen this year. all the conflicts, arguments, and everything our good friend murphy can come up with, will come up.

wala lang. i just remembered that.

this is strange and mysterious; i'm finding out just how much i love -- want to love -- someone. and it isn't marlon. i hope someday she finds out too.

it's times like these that i remind myself that our commitment isn't to being sad and wishing things were different or better. it's to a whole and joyful family, to love, to aliveness, and to our special day being a day where all these are present -- not just for marlon and i, but for everyone. and we're committed to finding love, aliveness and joy each step of the way.

even in the little things. like my wedding dress. if it's up on the other blog, then you'll know i've picked myself up and not let the sadness rule me.

so even if i don't feel like blogging about the wedding right now, i will keep blogging -- and sharing. and even if we just feel like rolling over and giving up, we just won't.